Breaking up is never easy, but hey, at least I finally have a valid excuse to binge-watch Handmades Tale  guilt-free, right? Getting over a breakup feels like navigating through a minefield of emotions and ice cream tubs, but it’s also an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.

When relationships end, it’s like saying goodbye to that questionable haircut I got in high school – painful at first, but ultimately for the best!

It’s not any easier. My friend said I will have my ups and downs. It seems more down than up. I’m tired of being sad, I’m tired of crying myself to sleep I can’t escape thinking about it.

Sadly, almost everything I do here is a reminder. The gym, hiking, Kroger and anytime I look at something it brings back memories. I was walking in Walmart the other day not really thinking about the situation, while the pain stays with me there are times, I’m not dwelling on it or having it consume me, but the kicker is what am I sad about? I’m sad and mourning a man and a relationship that didn’t exist.

The ex-wasn’t the man I wanted to fall in love with. I wanted the man on paper. Still, I can’t seem to let go of the sadness. As I was walking, in my own little world, not even thinking that I wasn’t thinking about the ex, I glance over and see a carrot cake, a fucking carrot cake and memories came flooding back. Tears started forming in my eyes and I had to leave the store. See this is what happens when you get into a narcissist relationship. In his mind it’s just a breakup. To the average person it appears that way. In fact, I feel sometimes that maybe I am truly going crazy. I should be able to move on and not be so devastated. I should be able to accept that he doesn’t want to be with me, which is fucking insane because he will never get a woman like me…

I’ve seen his exes lol besides the fact that I am beautiful and have an amazing body. I’m smart, successful funny down to earth and so on, but he didn’t want me anymore. I should be able to accept that knowing it’s his loss. But what people on the outside don’t realize is, this situation is familiar to me. I can no longer count the times The ex has said he no longer loved me or wanted to be with me, or he needed his space or was pulling away. Numerous times!!!!

Only to come back to me crying telling me he was wrong, didn’t know what he wants and then profess his undying love. Now I could think he just played me. Told me what I wanted to hear but there were to many other things that don’t add up if he truly never cared. The meeting his family or announcing at his retirement ceremony in front of hundreds of colleagues his undying love. None of his actions make sense. If I walked away the first or even the tenth time, he behaved like this, we would have never had the memories that I can’t get out of my mind.

But his actions are the typical traits of a narcissist. Love bombing, devalue and discard. The ex is a narcissist and he prayed on my issues and codependency to manipulate, and brain wash me. I am angry at myself. I clearly saw the red flags weeks after we dated but gave him the benefit of the doubt. I ALWAYS thought it was my fault. The ex is something else. I’ve dated a lot of men and have been in my fair share of relationships, but nothing compares to him. He really isn’t a good human being.

What man ends a relationship via a text? The ex does. Never in my life did I think I’d date a 42-year-old man and he would end something through a text message not even picking up his phone when I called. Why did he end it?

He wanted to have sex with someone new. After 10 months the ex was bored!! Normally if a man had said this it may have stung my ego but coming from the ex it doesn’t even phase me. I don’t think I or any woman would ever be enough for him.

I’m open minded, it was this facet about the ex that appealed to me. We both wanted the same lifestyle and things sexually. Or so I thought until the day he announced we were done…no communication….in a fucking text.  

Unless I was a transvestite young girl, willing to let other men have sex with me simultaneously while the ex-double penetrated me or during a threesome or orgy The ex would never be satisfied!!! Or was it the other way around? Did he want the transvestite to fuck him up the ass?

Or did the ex-want to fuck the transvestite? I will never know since there were so many demands the ex-wanted. Either way I accepted him and all his wants because I love him unconditionally.

Through all of this I was committed to only him and that fueled his narcissist ego. I’m not worried about him moving on, I’m sure he has, I am certain the ex-had women and men throughout our relationship.

We all have faults and I understand that. I always believe everything the ex-told me, but I realize now I was a fool because he had been lying to me from the start. If any woman puts up with his demand and bullshit, which comes weeks into knowing him, I’m sure she is special. I put up with all the exs bullshit. The disrespect, calling me a whore, the belittling every little thing in my life or worse and I will never know why I allowed any man, especially the ex to be physically abusive.  Wasn’t the emotional and psychological abuse enough for me? Apparently not. 

So, it’s not because the perfect the ex-broke up with me but the manner in which he did it…. a fucking text?? What grown 42-year-old man, who went to West Point, brilliant and intelligent does that to the woman he allegedly was in love with? 

A fucking narcissistic manipulative cowardly man like the ex. I got zero closure except the closure I created. He is a horrible excuse for a human being, Let alone a man. I feel so bad for his next victim.

I truly hope she has the self-esteem and love for herself to walk no runaway as soon as he shows his true self, which is fast. I should have seen it. I did that’s the thing. But The ex is a master manipulator making me think it was my fault I was unreasonable for not wanting to give up my dog I’ve had for years and move into his house after a month of dating him. That I was selfish. Or when he cheated and fucked some fat chick while I was recovering from surgery that it was my fault by I was “being mean to him”. Or when I didn’t go camping be there was a flood and I had to work that I was selfish. 

Well, done the ex you fooled me!!! You got me hook line and sinker to believe all your LIES. Even when I tried many times to be done, he would sweet tell me or manipulate and lie that he cared and wanted to be with me “forever”.

That we can give “this up”. The ex-wanted to be done on HIS TERMS and to end it in the most inhumane, malicious, hurtful, vindictive way…. a text with no real explanation. 

Some fat chicks he had a one-night stand with gets dinner so he could “let her down because he’s a nice guy” but the woman he once loved and wanted a life with gets a text.

If that story is even true if he ever ended it or it was a lie. Either way he had to appear nice. His fake facade he puts up in front of his friends and neighbors but to someone who is close to him knows the real the ex. 

It’s ironic here is an example of the fake The ex. once we were on the phone and I admit I was talking and eating at the same time in between bites. He made a remark about it, side note I have excellent manners, but he found a way to belittle me, so he did. I get it have manners right even though he wasn’t in front of me to visually see me, he still made a remark to correct me.

Yet have dinner with his friends/neighbors for over an hour who both talked and ate with their mouths full. I could see the food being chewed in their mouths….it was that horrible. Did the ex-correct them? Did he make a comment for them to have manners? He was so applauded and mortified that I was on the phone with him and eating! Did he say anything to two people who had the manners of your typical trailer park Arkansas white trash? Of course not. Not a fucking word.  

The ex likes to surround himself with those types of class. Not that there is anything wrong with anyone, but the ex will never surround himself with people that are within our class, he needs to be with ppl beneath him so they can awe and fuel his ego. 

This is what narcissist do. Sadly, I fell in love with a narcissist. The ex is a narcissist, and he actually did me a favor to discard me. It hurts and I’m sad, but I realize I can get treated better. A few dates and a new relationship made me realize I’m so better off. I truly hope he gets the help he needs.

Being dumped feels like getting hit by a double-decker bus driven by my ex’s new partner, but I tell myself this too shall pass. I’m going to surround myse\elf with friends who make me laugh until my stomach hurts and remind me why I’m awesome.

Remember: breakups are just plot twists in the rom-com movie of life. So grab some popcorn (or tissues) and get ready for the next exciting chapter. Who knows? The sequel might just be better than the original

Otherwise,  you can hope your ex will be an overweight, unemployed, lonely, and alone old man. Heck he is almost there.