Every quote, every book, every film seemed to suggest that ‘one day’ someone would come into my life and love me with an intensity and a passion I had never experienced before. And to their credit they were right; It all came and went so fast it really did feel as if it were just ‘one day but the sad part is, that I will probably end up loving him without actually being with him for much longer than I loved him when I knew him.
Some people might find that strange. But the truth of it is that the amount of love you feel for someone and the impact they have on you as a person, is in no way relative to the amount of time you have known them.
I am angry still. I was reminiscing in my head today and realized how much time has gone by. I’d be foolish to think he even thinks about me because as I’ve written so much before he was done way before he sent that text. I just truly thought we would work it out. At that time, I felt him leaving would be good for us. He would realize how he loved me. It didn’t come close to that. How was I so wrong? Talking to Ann about it yesterday and realizing how wrong I was.
Do I really want to know the truth? I will never get an explanation and I’ll never know any Andy lied and how much he lied about. How did I not see it??
But I did see it. I always felt something was off. My lack of trust that is very unlike me. The constant jealousy and insecurity that he was sleeping with other women, but he would tell me I’m crazy. That I don’t trust him, but I was right the whole time.
This is why I always got the interrogation. Everything he was ….it doesn’t matter. I’ve gone over this 1000 times before. I’ll never know the truth. The truth hurts but I don’t think the ex could possibly hurt me anymore. After The ex, dating will be easy since there is no possibility another man could possibly be as cruel, evil, and hateful as Mr. The ex. But I’m not sure what’s worse him or the fact I allowed it the worst part is he never once apologized for any of his actions. It was ALWAYS my fault. Even when he fucked that chick because “technically we were broken up”, which we were BUT still doing everything the same. In fact, he took care of the night before during my surgery, but I leave that morning and he had someone else already in the bed. Then lied about it right to my face. Did I get an apology? No. It was MY fault he did it. I was “mean” to him.
Looking back the whole thing was crazy but there was just something inside I felt when I was with him. Not even in s sexual way but an immense amount of energy and it was that something that I held onto for so long.
I did my fair share. It’s irrelevant now. This is my closure. As stated earlier, I truly don’t know if I want to know why or something that looks like the truth.
I wish someone had started a blog about the ex like I’m doing to warn others like me. Since The ex-shows his true colors Early into dating, most women with a healthy sense of self would run far away. But women like me and anyone who reads my other blog site understands what I’ mean, we don’t leave men like the ex.
The ex-wanted to have a threesome with a male transvestite, so essentially a woman with a penis.
So maybe the ex-found he/she he fantasized about. Maybe The ex is letting him/her you know what in the ex you know where. It was the ex who said he liked Anal and by anal, I mean his.
Of course, I’m sure If the ex-read or heard about my blog, his manipulating conniving narcissist self, would blame me saying I was lying and crazy and any other words that takes the focus off him and back to me.
But what do I have to gain by these blogs? All this time later? The only thing I hope to gain is my own Closure as well as saving another woman or man from his lies! Not even lies but save someone else not to go through the ex-bullshit and save someone from The ex and his narcissist destruction!
Luckily The ex-isn’t aware and I know he isn’t because i’ve said or wrote if he asked me not to blog and delete I would.
I did remove his photo. I realized that was going too far even for me.
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