Since this Army thing is getting sort of old I’m thinking about becoming a nun…my heart got broken and i don’t want to move on so instead of having 5 cats. Since i can’t have my dogs back. Maybe i should be a nun right??
Home for the first night. My anxiety was at a 12 today…but i made it through…its sad being home and having the reminders of the ex..
That’s the worst part. Luckily I am moving..
It wouldn’t be a bad thing if i could blame everything on him..but i can’t..
I put him through hell..and he finally got sick of it..even though i thought easter was a good time for us..it in fact was the worst decision i made..
I’m letting it go…since god has a sense of humor and likes to crack jokes when i read the bible i’m going to leave this situation in his hands..
I have no control over my life..just god.
Would i go back and change the past?? NEVER…
And i hope that he is blessed 1000x over for making me see my defective flaws….even if going to summer camp was a lie and he wanted to keep the dogs..this amazing person got me to where i need to be..okay that’s a lie…as much as I’m hurt, the dude had 4 kids and worked some BS job…white trash isn’t enough for me
As much as i want to hate him. Or be angry at him..i deep down can’t..because I’m fucking psychotic
The punishment of losing my best friend because i chose alcohol and pills over him numerous times..it’s funny…drugs are never an issue when you meet someone..I’m transparent and dudes know that right from the start..it doesn’t become a problem until they can hold it in your fucking face..and who cares if I eat Roxy’s….I”m not out prostituting to support my habit..and no dude pays my bills..so who the fuck cares what I do? It’s just leverage that people can use against me when they get mad…as if getting mad is somehow going to make me “change..fuck you.
I should be sad but my faith is keeping me going with the thought god has a plan..
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