Yesterday was a difficult day as I let jealousy get the best of me.  Jealousy in extreme cases, lead to mental health conditions like anxiety or depression. It’s also a symptom of mental health conditions and commonly occurs in the presence of bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, and other personality disorders.

I got jealous over something that I had no right too. If I could go back in time and fix all the mistakes I made, I wouldn’t because it has made me who I am today but I would try to lessen those mistakes to save me from the pain.

I chose to be where I’m at. And being jealous although I’m not normally jealous and I’m ashamed to admit jealousy got the best of me. They say fear and anger are central to the experience of jealousy. Maybe I fear what I know and I am angry about it. I feared the ex would find someone else and I’m angry about it? Makes sense?

Jealousy is a complex emotion that can have profound effects on relationships. To truly understand these feelings, it is important that I delve into the deeper meaning of jealousy through some sort of psychological exploration.

When I get to the root of what causes  jealousy, I realize the root contribution to its manifestation. Insecurity, fear of abandonment, low self-esteem, and past experiences of betrayal or rejection are just a few examples for me. I need to learn to understand these underlying triggers. So I can gain insight into why jealousy arises and how it affects my thoughts and behaviors.

The effects of jealousy can be far-reaching and impactful. It can strain relationships, breed resentment, and erode trust. Jealousy often leads me to possessiveness, controlling behaviors, and constant comparison with others. These negative consequences not only impact me but also those around me.

By exploring the psychological aspects of jealousy in depth, I can gain a clearer understanding of this complex emotion and its implications. I can work towards managing feelings of jealousy in healthier ways and fostering more secure and fulfilling relationships.

Every day I must make the decision not to use my past decisions to cope with how I’m feeling right now.

My daily life is nothing short of a nightmare I used to have.  But when I had this nightmare  I am waking up crying. But all I had to do was roll over in my bed and know it was just a nightmare.

But now this nightmare that once was a dream is now a reality. I can’t just roll over and know everything is going to be okay.

As much as I hate a situation in my life now, I wouldn’t change it. If it hadn’t happened, I’m unsure of where I would be in 10 years.

In 5 years or 10 years this won’t hurt as much as it does right now.

I also must go with my intuition. To see things for how they are. Life is about moving forward and moving on. Just because I’m not moving on. I am moving forward.

If someone messes up once it doesn’t mean they can’t change for the better.

I’m not sure what’s more difficult grasping a concept of my addictions or the rest of my life the person I want badly right now will be doing that with someone else.

The say you know you really love someone if you are happy they found someone else. I must have not loved him because I’m not fucking happy he’s met someone else. I am jealous, I want him to want me. Fuck that bullshit “I just want to see you happy.” That’s the same cliche line as “it’s not you, it’s me.”

No it is you and I am not happy you found happiness with someone else. In fact I hope you get bitten alive by ants.

Did I never really love that someone or are my worldly thoughts and feelings hinder my relationship God? If I’m having evil and hateful thoughts it’s not exactly spiritual? 

Today I can’t answer that question and I can’t expect anyone including myself to wait. Absence and distance does not make the heart grow fonder. It just allows people to grow apart to become strangers. I want that feeling of being strangers right fucking now!

In the future in order to cultivate healthier and happier relationships, it is crucial  for me to embrace emotional growth. This means developing a secure attachment style, fostering open communication and transparency, and embracing personal growth to overcome insecurities.

If I learn to have a secure attachment style it will serve as the foundation for strong and fulfilling relationships. By understanding my own attachment patterns and working towards a secure style, I can create a safe space for emotional intimacy with our partners. This involves building trust, expressing vulnerability, and offering support in times of need.

Open communication and transparency are essential components of any successful relationship. By fostering an environment where both of us feel comfortable expressing our thoughts, feelings, and needs, we can avoid misunderstandings and conflicts. This means we need to use active listening, effective conflict resolution techniques, and maintaining honesty even during difficult conversations.

Embracing personal growth is crucial for overcoming insecurities that may hinder the development of healthy relationships. By identifying my own insecurities and actively working on self-improvement, we can enhance our self-esteem and become more confident in my interactions with others. This may involve seeking therapy or counseling, practicing self-care routines, or engaging in activities that promote personal development.

By embracing emotional growth through developing a secure attachment style, fostering open communication and transparency in relationships, as well as embracing personal growth to overcome insecurities; can help me pave the way for healthier and happier relationships filled with love, understanding, and mutual support.

Or I can drink a bottle of chardonnay and call it a day!

Until Next Time