Four months today my life started over and I decided to put this failure behind me.

My last day of anything. Little did I know that leaving for “summer camp” would change my life forever. From personal to professional.

I admit at the time I was lost…I was in a relationship that I thought was healthy, but looking back I realize now what a destructive relationship I was allowing myself to be in.

From the controlling to the emotional/physical abuse I was allowing myself to be treated with so much disregard to my feelings.

Professionally I was checking the block. My photos were subpar, and I was doing enough just to get by without being bitched at.

Leaving that day I didn’t know what to expect and little did I know how much of an impact it would be.

I met some of the most amazing people that has touched my life even now.

The thing with alcoholics and addicts is everyone shares the one common experience. They are the only people who really accept you the way you are.

From  my roommate to my close friend, I love these people with every inch of my soul.

Time can go by yet every person I spent those 42 days with, can all pick up the phone, send a text or shoot an email with genuine concern of how each other are doing.

They told us that only 1 and 4 make it through sobriety, and thus far I am the only one that hasn’t relapsed. It’s been tough. There are moments I miss that glass of wine or a shot of run. But I know it’s not the first drink or first Vicodin that is my demon. It’s all the ones that follow.

It’s nice to run into people who ask what is different about me. Honestly there is nothing different yet so much is different.

How I react to situations. How I have totally surrendered to a higher power.my higher power is God.

The biggest challenge I had was finding a sponsor. or finding one I could relate too.

I finally did. And she’s great.

I wouldn’t change anything in the world.

Yeah, there are times I miss the ex. There are times I worry about where life will take me. There are times when I wonder how I could possibly go the rest of my life sober.

Never having a drink or pill again…

but it really is one day at a time.

I wish people understood addiction. It bothers me a lot the misconception in the Army about it.

Not out of fault. But because they don’t know the disease. they don’t understand that it takes more than sending a soldier to ASAP.

ASAP is such a freaking joke. Millions of dollars poured into a program that doesn’t work.

When I self-referred and started going. I was going hung over. Because I knew how to play the game.

When the army could save their money and look at a program that free…AA and all the other organizations

ASAP doesn’t provide you with the experience of others. And personally, I’m not going to share my experience or my issues with a woman/man whose only experience with addiction is from a master’s degree at a college.

People think addicts and alcoholics are living under the bridge. when it’s the exact opposite.

It’s doctors, lawyers, mothers, and people just like me. we all function.

I have met every walk of life through this program. There are people who have been in prison for 20 years. There are the retired 1sgts, the homeless guys, the drug dealers and moms who secretly hide their addiction.

There are ones who don’t think they have a problem, others who are on the pink cloud of sobriety.

Then there are the ones who sit quietly listening, doesn’t share during meetings, but is holding on to every word spoken like a child with their favorite teddy bear. Its people like me.

My entire world has changed. For the first time I’m happy. inside and out.

No, my life hasn’t gotten better…I still have the same problems, I still am insecure and doubt myself. I get angry and I stress. My problems haven’t gone away. if anything, I have more stress now than before. i just don’t wash that stress away through using.

I’m happy. And I have peace. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. But I am only guaranteed today.

Today I know I don’t intend on relapsing.

 until next time