I haven’t felt like writing lately. Not about the ex or anything for that matter. I was listening to the radio and the Subject of gift giving came up and I immediately thought of the shadow box I gave the ex on his retirement. One of my MANY regrets. Not only would I have saved $500 bucks, but I would have saved even more time. I’m really not sure what I expected when the ex-opened it. I also wonder if the ex has since thrown it away, since we both returned every ounce of gifts or articles, minus a pair of My panties. Part of me hopes the ex-kept it because unlike any of the items or gifts, a lot of effort and love was poured in it.

I’ll never forget the time The ex-AC went out of his house during the summer. Ironically The ex-didn’t hate my house or gator when the ex-needed a place to stay. Of course, we were in a downward decline, so I wanted the ex to stay at my house. I should have known better.

The ex-ended up leaving abruptly while I was in the shower angry because I locked the bathroom door. Honestly, I’m not even sure why I locked the door nor was it intentional but the ex-ended up being paranoid and left.

No goodbye, no explanation. Gone! I of course drove all the way to the ex-house, which he didn’t answer his door or phone. Looking back at moments like these still makes my blood boil. It’s only now can I clearly see the ex-controlling and trying to break me. I also don’t think the ex-got angry that I locked the door. I also don’t think the ex-left my house to go home. I think whoever the ex-had on the side offered him something better so the ex-used the lock as an excuse. I still don’t think I really locked the bathroom door, but it was an excuse for the ex to leave. Who knows. One of many Lies The ex-told me which i’ll never know.

The shadow boxes. I was so excited to give this to him. I think I was more excited than the ex was. Actually, I know I was because when the ex-unwrapped it, the ex-sort of looked at it and said thank you.

In The ex-defense not like I should defend the selfish, narcissistic, mommy issues want a woman to submit while f$@&$ a dude, I’m not sure what I expected? Was The ex-supposed to jump up and down thanking me ecstatically? The ex said thank you. That was all it called for.

Still, I was hurt because I was so excited when I finally had it finished. Oh well. It wasn’t the first nor would it be the last time I was hurt By The ex.

I truly wish and want to let go of the hatred. I have for him. It’s very consuming wanting someone to die or at least live a painful life. The joke though is on me because even though I feel all this, I really don’t have too. The ex-already lives a lonely sad pathetic life. The ex-alcoholic demons are evidence of that.

An explanation is all that was needed to all the lies. I don’t even care for an apology anymore; I just want to know why the lies.

The wood floors. Why lie about the floors?

That’s right the ex-lied because he only cares for himself. The ex-doesn’t care who he hurts because I no longer was his narcissist fuel. The ex-simply loves himself only. This is why he is 42 and will always be alone.

The ex-used to remind me how much he had to offer. Materialistic things didn’t matter to me. I have my own money, but I realize now the ex-had to constantly tell me or any woman that simply because that was all he had to offer. The ex-can’t offer monogamy, honesty, or faithfulness because the ex is incapable of being a good moral human being. The ex is a horrible human being, which is why he probably likes young girls or fat chicks. Young girls would be too naive and fat women settle.

It was just his uniform and position. Strip that all and I wouldn’t have given him the time of Day.

Part of me wishes I Never promised to continue to blog about this. I’m tired of it because it makes me so angry. But apparently the ex enjoys his life being public