Being back reminds me of all the reasons why I left. I never had a chance to fully enjoy my time here. As soon as I arrived the ex and I began dating. So much time had passed and yet the hatred I had months ago is still very much alive today. It’s not healthy to have this much hate towards one person.

I can’t even pinpoint one specific reason why I hate the ex, but I can think of 1000 different reasons. Now it boils down mostly to the lies and not knowing what the truth was. Although a small part of me wants to believe there was some truth most of me feels it was all a charade! You can’t love someone and then fall out of love as fast as the ex-did on a weekly basis, it’s only now I realize he never fell out of love with me since he was never in love with me.

I was simply a pawn in his game and so easy to play since I allowed the abuse. Whether physically, verbally, sexually, or emotionally each and every single time, I allowed it. But worse was the ex-having the ability to have me believe it was my fault. The ex-telling me I was emotionally abusing him. Yet who was fucking random people because “technically” we were broken up?

Granted we were, but in the ex-thought process, it was okay to have a one-night stand because we weren’t together. Even though the very same morning the ex was making me breakfast in bed and then later driving me home since I just had surgery. Yet less than 12 hours later the ex was bringing another random chick in his bed!!! But I let this go although things were never the same after.

Any trust I had with the ex was gone after that because that single action was probably the most hurtful thing someone has done to me. Even now almost a year later; it’s upsetting to me. The whole situation makes me sad, angry and an array of emotions I can’t describe. To end everything in a text message with zero consideration of my feelings makes me realize the joke was on me. The ex besides being a bisexual pedophile narcissistic abuser, the ex is simply a horrible human being.

I almost deleted the two blogs and sometimes i’ll have moments of confusion and just put them on private because I start feeling bad or think maybe these are hurting the ex because these blogs were never an intent to hurt the ex. But in the beginning it was my own desperate attempt for a reaction and then for an apology or explanation.

Now I don’t even know anymore. I guess when I’m over being so angry and mad.  But when does that happen? In all my years of relationships I can honestly say i’ve never hated anyone as much as I hate the ex and i’ve had some Asshole exes. One stole my dog for example another happened during a deployment. But no one has made me hate them as much as I hate the ex. Sure initially there was the typical post breakup hate but that quickly passed in the manner all breakups do. But this hate with the ex is a whole other level of hate. Possibly due to not knowing and because of how the ex-ended it. A fucking text. Hoping we can go our separate ways in peace was the last thing the ex said.

I didn’t even realize 43-year-old men break up with women over texts. That would have been all fine and the ex-had it not been less than 12 hours prior telling me he missed me blah blah blah.

So yeah, yeah Fuck the ex and his transvestite fantasy call me daddy and make your mom jealous alcoholic narcissistic self.

The ex is doing a perfect job ruining his own life, I’m sure. Drinking and eating alone at bars until he meets some lonely waitress or bartender to bring home and fill that void in his life he’s trying to fill.

I was the best thing that ever happened to him, and he wanted to throw that away and fuck it up for most likely someone that was giving him the narcissistic fuel.