I made a mistake by coming here. I fucking knew when I left this was a bad idea. Why I refuse to listen to my gut is beyond me. I really can’t explain exactly what is “wrong” but I’m not happy at work. I had an amazing boss the last two places I’ve worked and it’s not that my boss here is bad but it’s just I’m not comfortable there. I can’t put my finger on it really, but I have been “off” since I arrived here. It could be because G isn’t with me. I feel guilty being this miserable. I live where people vacation and yet I’m still unhappy. At least before I could blame things on locality but now, I realize it’s just me.
I guess I feel as if I’m treated like I’m incompetent possibly? For example, it was such an issue and rush to get me here, that I was so stressed trying to move that I don’t even know how I made it. I understood they have been short for well over a year and my boss was running the office sold.
Even though I was lucky to get 2 extra weeks and not have to move during the holidays, I could have certainly used the extra 3 weeks since I have been here. I understand how things work; this isn’t my first rodeo. Let me retract. So, I dont’ have a computer yet because needed software has to be added and a bunch of other issues, so I understand but to sit for 8 hours all day doing NOTHING when I have so much stuff to take care of, really stresses me out. Married people either forget, don’t understand or just doesn’t care for people who are single. When married people move and have to start a job, the spouse can do all the ankle biting stuff like get utilities on, wait for the cable guy or switch car tags. If you’re single guess who has to do it?? YOU.
So, this means time off from work to take care of things. A one-hour cable appointment turns to an entire day off since the window the company showing up is 8 to 5. I don’t mind taking leave, but I feel as if my boss gets mad about it. I could be reading into something that doesn’t exist but since this is my blog, I get to fucking vent. Last week my second week here, I had to take a lot of hours off for various things. doctor appointment, cable etc. In addition to living where I do, traffic is a bitch. Bringing me to the house issues. I love my new house. I do. landlords and location are great. I wouldn’t have chosen this place had I not felt rushed. The first week I arrived I was given time off to go look. Where I live there is a lot of places to look, so what is the reasonable amount of time it should take someone to find a place? Not to mention, the cost incurred here. If you move here and rent you may as well have 6k set aside for rent and a deposit. SO the first week I was there by Day 2 when I would get there, my boss would ask if I found a place? By the end of week 1 it felt as if he was getting frustrated I hadn’t found something yet and by Monday morning week 2 (still no computer) I knew I just had to go with something regardless…So I did. The issues wasn’t finding a place as much as finding something in my budget. Let me say ONE THING. Actually TWO.
1. There is NO FUCKING WAY someone at my grade level (and I’m not just starting out either) and my pay level could ever afford to live here single and if you do you better get a roommate, enjoy living in the hood or like driving 2hour each day to get to work. I knew before but now that I’m here I realize there is no way someone could live here and live somewhere decent with the money I make. No possible way. I knew going into this the only way I could afford to take the job here was because I have another source of income otherwise I wouldn’t be here.
so, I felt pressured to find something quick and luckily although about $400 over my budget (I learned to like ramen) I am no longer going to be homeless. It was so important for me to find a place so I can sit in it completely empty since my furniture isn’t arriving here for another month. I truly want to know how the powers that be expected me or anyone to move here? In addition to all that, I paid out pocket for a rental car till my car arrived here. How did they expect me to get to the office each day? I should have Uber it and filed it on my voucher..$3k in Uber.
So, I don’t know anymore. I’m hoping I’m just reading into everything since I’m oversensitive and insecure since I keep telling myself he hired me so he must not hate me or maybe he doesn’t know how to be a boss since he treats me like I’m a fucking 2-year-old.
So here I am. 3 weeks later. Rushing to get here since I was “needed so badly” only to sit at my desk all day doing fucking NOTHING except on my phone. Imagine how my day was Friday when my phone as broken. I mean I try to look engaged or “busy” but really how busy can a new person look? What really aggravates me, and I’m not sure if it aggravates me or if I’m just already irritated, but the boss will print random shit out for me to “read”.
But the biggest thing and I hate when anyone does this to me, it actually causes me a huge deal of distress and discomfort that impacts my whole day. I hate sitting anywhere where my back is to people walking behind me etc. Although my desk in my old office was sort of like that, I could still see behind me through the glass or hear my coworkers get up. My desk here is positioned well but when I get to check my email on the boss’s computer it’s set in a way that fucks with me. Well not so much the desk but the fact that he fucking stands behind me or looks over my shoulder but not in a way that’s obvious but more he is waiting for me to get done but I can’t see what he’s doing, I just know he is behind me somewhere.
Or worse he will ask me “anything good” about my work email. I’m not sure why he asks me this? Was there supposed to be? is he making small talk? Or is he a micromanager..
I’m thinking the third since he made me a “moderator” and not “admin” for the FB page. This really bothered me. Not because I wanted to be in control but more that he obviously doesn’t trust me or wants total control. Yet the guy in HQ is a admin, so that is why it sort of bothers me a little..
I really hope I’m just being sensitive. My gut tells me he’s going to micromanage. He hasn’t asked me my thoughts about anything. Actually, he hasn’t really asked me anything work related to even include what it thought so far or even my input on our social media. WHICH FUCKING SUCKS…but after the whole story incident I can see my input doesn’t mean squat..
he handed me this paper and asked me to “look it over”. Not really sure what that implied so i “looked it over”.I made no paper edits, but annotated in my head just the main obvious errors..Blatant errors that would be noticeable..
When he took the paper back and asked me what i thought i told him ithought it was good and the only thing i really saw wrong was the he duplicated a word in one sentence. for example he wrote something like “The boy, girl, and dad and boy went to the car”..
Not those exact words but same idea, so i mentioned he used boy twice…He just laughed and was like well we don’t have to be picky… It wasn’t a funny good laugh either but more of a don’t correct me laugh..
Honestly the story was fucking horrible..and i see thats been the standard since it’s been a solo office. It’s fine though, i realize now when he asks for corrections he is simply doing it to entertain me but really doesn’t want it..
Don’t get me wrong, he isnt’ mean or anything like that..Everyone likes him, so i truly hope I am just reading to much into it and that we are just feeling one another out..I most definitely think i can learn a lot there and from him. I should have started with positives because now this blog is in a tone that i hate my new boss and he’s incompetent which isn’t what i wanted to convey..
But fuck it..The blog has always been my perspective and feelings about my life, and never once have i said i was right about anything except the narcissist ex The ex whose probably home fucking a transvestite or looking at child porn or telling someone he loves the, or looking at child porn..
Still trying to figure out why God has me here bc i feel like yelling into heaven that i’m ready to go…But God knows my heart and thoughts like I’m entirely to lazy to go back and fix my typing errors..
OH I can’t believe i forgot obviously not that important, but i sort of met someone..Well not met met, but met someone i would for sure go out with..Tatted sleeves, plays in a band and my god so hot..
the negative….fucking army guy…yeah didn’t see that one coming when he told me…he has done an amazing job not looking military…but yeah..like so hot..beautifully hot.
and it has been a really long time since i’ve said that about a man..Like get whiplash he’s so sexy kind of guy..My neck hurts from staring..
yeah he’s that HOT..i cant even recall a times i have talked to a man that i thought that..don’t get me wrong my last few exes were all handsome but the
attraction and sexiness was something that grew over time and from getting to know them all..None was like this guy..of course he also invited me over for more than dinner so my guess is he won’t be my future husband but for now he’s nice to look at…VEry nice..It’s the tats thought..get’s me every singe time..Riley was sexy like this guy…so it’s gotta be tattoos..i’ve always been a sucker for a lot of ink..
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