I saw this quote on Facebook, i may not even be a quote.  Life is funny we can try to make all the plans that we want …I used to try not so much anymore. I had an interview a few weeks ago it didn’t matter how I did because I knew at the end of the day if God wanted me there, I would be there. This is the last place on earth I ever thought I would be and looking back when I was going through a situation, I didn’t see it at the time that God had a bigger plan for me all the tears all the crying all the pain is because he brought me here. I’m so forever thankful for that. I’m forever thankful that I went to Alabama and met someone who has had such an impact on my life. My most current situation I can’t see right now the plan behind it I can’t see the plan of the last nine months and the reasoning for it. Maybe there is no reason except to see how I would deal with the stress. It makes me incredibly sad because I don’t feel the path that it’s going is according to the plan, but I have zero say in the matter and as I read old emails and messages, I think I think to myself what the fuck was I thinking? To allow the ex to treat me like that, in the beginning we would fight, and he would call me a whore, crack whore, honey trap whore such horrible filthy names. In addition to accusing me of being with other men, calling me a liar, telling me he didn’t trust me, going through my car, pushing me down so hard that I thought I cracked my kneecap because I was tired and didn’t go to yoga and I would be the one apologizing? It was always about him; he’s always talking about himself and never ask me about my day or completely ignore me for days sometimes a week. Even when he had sex with another woman it was my fault because I was being mean to him.   I know I’m not perfect I’m not saying I’m perfect, but no woman deserves disrespect like I got. Now I did my fair share too. I would blow up his phone, I would text him 1000 times because I hate being ignored.  It’s ironic how I’m so insecure about being an abandoned my fear abandonment and I would date a guy that anytime he got mad he would break up or be done and then completely stonewall me for hours or days on end. To add insult injury during his retirement ceremony he decides to profess his undying love to the entire Corps and then break up with me two days later, but I loved him I loved him more than I’ve ever loved any other man and I miss him. I lost my best friend, and it makes me sad because our problems were nothing. We would talk for hours when we first met and spent hours on the phone. I was so tired going to work. I would see him in the hallways I would catch glimpses of him. I miss him I love him, and it makes me sad thinking about it. There was something between us, but he just didn’t love me, and I need to accept the ex-didn’t love me or if he did, he didn’t love me enough to put effort in. Dating, boyfriends, relationships, and I is never a good mix I’m very needy, I know this about myself. I need constant reassurance not all the time a simple good morning text is all I really ask foe.  A gesture that is simple but so difficult. A gesture that has such an impact on my day.  I guess I want to be the first thought in the morning.  I want to Know I am the very first thing the man I’m with thinks about when they open their eyes. I have zero reason to be insecure I have a career, I’m financially stable, I’m attractive, I take a care of myself but I am, and I seem to date guys that want to treat me horrible. Men that really don’t deserve me. My entire family’s team George. George the ex from Florida also one of my best friends that I treasure and value our friendship much more than trying to ruin it if we date. I like being single I don’t want a relationship anymore not because I like my space not because I like being alone but simply my heart can’t take it. The emotional stress is just not worth it to me. I’ve been single so long I don’t think I could be a relationship there’s a lot of attractive guys I work with there’s the gym guy and the other guys at the gym I mean I go out on dates but just seems like a complete waste of my time. I’ve wasted their time and there is so much I would rather be doing. I could be home in my pajamas watching Netflix I say that as I’m getting ready for date night. Even if I don’t find Mr. Right, I’ll settle for Mr. Right now, Until next time