Get in my car after work and I notice my tire light is on, so I get out and everything is fine. Head to gym, have dinner with a friend and stop at Kroger. When I’m finally headed home someone next to me tells me I have a small flat. Luckily, I was right in front of tire kingdom, and they were still open.

So here I sit and wait for them to patch my tire, bawling my eyes out. Not because of the tire but it was just the icing on the cake to conclude a long weekend which ended today.

I’m so ready for my trip that I can’t pack fast enough. I haven’t seen G in 2 years so I’m excited to see him. I own him dinner from a bet that I lost. I wish I felt something romantic instead of platonic. He is so good to me. He has been there more than anyone ever has. I don’t even think anyone could top what He’s done for me. I need this time away. To get my emotions and head on straight. Saturday night I turned into a person that I’ve never seen. I was in love with an idea of someone, but they turned out not to be what I thought. I saw the red flags from the start so it’s my fault. I won’t have closure and I won’t know the truth. I must chalk it up to not everyone you meet in life are good people. Or good human beings.

As sad as my heart is, I realize that I’ve wasted 10 months on the hope this person would change. I have dated a lot of men in my life but A. Takes the cake on selfish assholes. I can honestly sit back and know my only fault was loving someone too much. But still there is a small part of me that regrets his decision, I really had zero choice and I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. But still I will be left wondering what that “something” was.

The undeniable chemistry between us, which is why the comment of wanting to sleep with someone “New” crushed me.

He no longer wants me sexually and it was that moment I realize there truly was someone else and nothing left. I’ll never understand him.

It must truly be my charming personality that drove him away. Maybe since he’s the only man I’ve been with in Arkansas it makes it hard? I had such a difficult time letting go, I’m not the type to breakup and makeup until I met him. This last time he made it easy; he wants to be with someone else.

 I don’t need to compete for spots in his life. I am the fucking spot. The kicker in all of this is he isn’t even as wonderful as he thinks. In my eyes he used to be everything, and I was attracted bc I was in love with him but when I step back look at it without bias, he isn’t getting women of my caliber and if does they will run the opposite direction. He’s got more issues than a magazine subscription.