I have an addictive personality. Sometimes this works in my favor. Hence running insane miles and other times not so much…I mean having more than 3 drinks a day is consider obsessive…I’m honest with my doctor when he asks “do you drink” I respond…every day. I guess that isn’t normal.

Well, I stopped drinking but in the past I drank daily.

But I can’t help it! Blogging lets me express my feeling! Sure I have a therapist, but I don’t trust Army therapists since they probably follow a different set of ethics like instead of doctor/patient confidentiality it is. doctor who shares what patients talks about to patients’ chain of command.

I would NOT blog about the recent dude who broke up with me, but I can’t help it! It’s probably because I have an addictive personality and very impulsive. I mean it has been proven through numerous studies that personality traits have been strongly linked to the development and maintenance of addictions over time.

In fact impulsive behaviors have gained significant attention as key contributors to the complex psychopathologies associated with addictive disorders. Studies have shown the presence of impulsivity can exacerbate various mental health conditions such as bipolar disorder, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), borderline personality disorder, and pathological behaviors often seen in individuals with Parkinson’s disease.

Furthermore, impulsivity has been identified as a contributing factor in the development and perpetuation of substance use disorders. Hence, it is essential to address impulsive tendencies cautiously when considering their impact on mental health and addiction issues. I know first hand my impulsivity, combined with abusing alcohol and drugs has caused significant relationships issues. I mean when you add my issues to a partner who exhibits narcissist behaviors is a total toxic relationship. At the time love blinds us.

Poor impulse control can have a detrimental impact on your relationships. Acting on impulse without considering the consequences can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and hurt feelings. It is crucial to understand the significant ways in which impulsive actions can inflict damage on the bonds you hold dear. Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect, consideration, and genuine care for each other’s well-being.

Ending toxic relationships and overcoming addictions require courage and self-awareness. It's about recognizing the negative impact they have on your life and taking steps to break free from their hold.

Any deviation from these core principles due to impulsive behavior can swiftly erode the foundation of trust and understanding. It is imperative to recognize that imbalances within relationships, particularly when it comes to how individuals treat one another, can set off a chain reaction of negative consequences.

When one party consistently goes above and beyond while the other remains indifferent or neglectful, tensions are likely to arise. Additionally, acting impulsively without regard for the feelings or needs of others often leads to conflicts and misunderstandings that may escalate if not addressed promptly. Therefore, it is essential to exercise mindfulness and restraint in your actions towards others within your relationships.

By fostering thoughtful consideration and empathy in your interactions, you can mitigate the risks associated with impulsive behavior and nurture stronger, healthier connections with those around you. Remember that every action has an impact – proceed with caution in order to safeguard the well-being of your relationships.

When it comes to addiction, it’s essential to understand the role that personality traits play in the development and maintenance of addictive behaviors. Research has shown that certain personality characteristics can make individuals more susceptible to various types of addiction.

Living with an addictive personality can be challenging, to say the least. It’s like constantly battling with yourself, trying to resist the urge to give in to behaviors that you know are not good for you.

The causes of addictive personality can vary from person to person. It could be a combination of genetic predisposition, environmental factors, and psychological issues. Some people may turn to addictive behaviors to cope with stress or trauma, while others may simply have a brain chemistry that makes them more susceptible to addiction.

People with specific personality traits may be more prone to engaging in addictive behaviors, whether it’s substance abuse or other forms of addiction. Understanding these connections can help us tailor interventions and treatments to address the root causes of addictive behaviors. By exploring how different personality traits interact with various types of addiction, we can gain a deeper insight into the complex nature of addictive behaviors and work towards more effective prevention and treatment strategies.

Risk-taking behavior

Taking risks and seeking thrills can be a common trait among those with addictive personalities.

Low self-esteem

Individuals with addictive personalities may struggle with feelings of inadequacy or low self-worth.

Perfectionism

Striving for perfection and setting unrealistically high standards can lead to increased stress and vulnerability to addiction.

Escapism tendencies

Using substances or behaviors as a way to escape from reality or numb emotional pain.

Social isolation

Feelings of loneliness from others can contribute to the development of addictive behaviors.

Impulsivity

People with addictive personalities often act on impulse without fully considering the consequences.

Of course we don’t understand these issues until we’ve had time to reflect or process the breakup in our head. I hate breakups…I am told to be the better person. Walk away. But isn’t it only human to want to see the person suffer a long slow miserable death or is that me? I mean not literally but am I the only one who get’s mad that my partner isn’t home as miserable as me? I wish I could be one of those people who can move on so quickly? But I can’t and I’ve never been a casual dater either. It’s always two side for me. Either I fall super hard super fast or I set boundaries and it’s strictly about sex. (As I read this in 2024 after years of therapy it makes my heart sad to see how many issues I had but more importantly how I allowed myself to be treated with little respect) I could be cliche and state “I hope he finds someone who makes him happy.” But that like my denial that I have addiction issues would my dear readers be a lie…sort of like the lie our relationship was. What makes me mad and this is the common trend is dudes who get angry about the pill thing later on as we get serious? I am pretty transparent from the beginning that I like to eat Vicodin so it’s not like the topic comes up later in the relationship? I mean what do the think I will stop because of them? What pisses me off is someone can drink and no one thinks anything but pop a few opiates and the world is over. I started drinking because of him. Anyone who knows me, know I don’t like to drink but we were drinking every night? But that’s fine? It’s such a fucking double standard. The one of many lessons learned from all of this. Fuck dudes! Fuck civilian dude! Why do they think chicks fuck every guy they know? I am in the Army, there are 100 dudes for one female, and I can be friends with guys and not fuck them? I hate Army guys anyway. Well not the O4s or higher and if they are tabbed. Anyways that’s my rant and in two day 8 hours I go home. I really wanted to do the whole rebound and whore around…since that the “slut that I am according to lover boy”… But really…I am going to use this time to find myself because somewhere along the way I lost who I am. I did go to group today. Yes, folk I go to group addiction meetings. It’s sort of funny because it just makes me want to do more recreational stuff that the big Army say’s is wrong. Since when is drinking wrong? Only when fiancé calls police to lie and say I hit him? I am and have never been a violent person, I actually am against it. I could probably be a guest star on the show cops… Oh and like a stalker I went to his social media page and he publically posts about hitting him over the head with a beer bottle? He put it public just so I would see it and get mad. Like what in the actual fuck? Why would I even do that? Oh, wait that’s this fucker is the same asshole who after my first sergeant saw what I was to blind to see, and for my “safety” had me move into the barracks. Fine whatever I think. Well this fucker tells me to come home so we can talk. The idiot that I am believes it and went home for the night. This fucker then calls my SGM to let him know? Like who the fuck does that? But I hit him with a beer bottle? Is that before or after I had too rock and arm sling for weeks? So here is my advice to anyone who may have better insight than I did when I was with this narcissist. Run not just for you and not just for him but for each other. Two broken people can’t be together. I wish I could blame everything on him but it was just equally my fault. I can’ be very hurtful and cruel. I knew how to push his button but the difference is, I did not do things with the intention of causing him pain. We all hurt people indirectly, but I feel you are a fucking sociopath if you set out with the plan that your actions are going to cause someone pain. For instance like I mention callong me home, manipulating me just to call myu chain of command for what? To not only hurt me but to cause issue in th eArmy. He was in the Army, he intended to try to get me in trouble. But luckily by the grace of God my chain of command knew what a fucking sociopath he was and I just got yelled at.For me that’s worse. I still have guilt for letting down my CSMd because he told me last year “cut sling load on that dude, he’s going to cause you nothing but trouble!” His advice is the one thing I regret to listening too. Be smart and recognize the signs of narcissism in a partner! Sometime it can be a challenging and sometimes a painful process. The truth hurts but it’s important to remember that narcissism is a complex psychological trait that can manifest in various ways, often intertwined with other issues such as substance abuse or addiction. Individuals like my ex who are struggling with narcissistic tendencies may exhibit behaviors that are manipulative, self-centered, and lacking in empathy. When these traits are combined with substance abuse or addiction, the psychological impact can be even more profound. For example calling me home, only to call my chain of command just to fuck with me is manipulative. It’s crucial to educate oneself about the dynamics of narcissism and its intersection with other psychological factors like substance abuse. By recognizing the signs early on, individuals can take steps to protect themselves and seek support from mental health professionals if needed. Remember, acknowledging these patterns is the first step towards creating healthier relationships and environments for everyone involved. My therapist told me as part of my whole “healing” process (since I can’t drink) was to write a letter to him then burn it for closure. I asked if I it was okay if I light him on fire instead. yet she didn’t find it funny.. I was half joking but she s so uptight sometimes. She said I haven’t had my ‘uh huh” moment with being sober. I told her she was right because I’m not using because I want too and I can’t imagine people actually live sober lives? I mean the thought of never drinking or taking pills not even once in awhile just seems doubtful? But telling her to set the ex on fire was probably not a good idea.. Shit there goes my shot of Soldier of the year..lmfao My fearless leader is ignoring me…I probably should not care but I care because I know I disappointed him. How did he find out? Oh, because when I went over to the boy toy has his number on speed dial it would only make sense. I really don’t even like him..The sex isn’t even that good….He’s not my type whatsoever but it breaks up the boringness. Plus I got to check off sex on a first sergeants desk off my bucket list. . I don’t even usually fuck with enlisted guys because it’s they are to easy…. That’s it in 48 hours I will be home away from this drama. I may as well plan on my relapse now. Broken hearts suck…proving my point “love” is fake. If you’re in a toxic relationship, struggle with drugs or other issues, please get help. Relationships are intricate webs of emotions and behaviors. Understanding the dynamics between codependency and narcissism is key to unlocking personal growth and fostering healthier connections. If you find yourself constantly prioritizing others’ needs over your own, seeking validation, or struggling to set boundaries? Sounds like signs of codependency that could be impacting your relationships. On the flip side, if you notice manipulation, lack of empathy, and an inflated sense of self-importance in your partner or loved one, they might be showing traits of narcissism. It’s time to break the cycle by gaining insights and expert guidance on healthier relationship patterns. Enhance self-awareness, improve impulse control, and nurture positive connections for a more fulfilling life. Let’s embark on this journey together towards self-discovery and personal growth together!