It never gets easier as the days pass the pit of my stomach seems to be harder. I wonder if he misses me. Does the think of me. I have so many question that will go unanswered, the what ifs.

When he told me he had lunch with another DC was that even true? What don’t I know. The lies and the deceptions and how he could just discard me so easily like I was a piece of paper he no longer needed.

Did I just not see what he saw? The comment about not wanting to sleep with me cut deep, it should but it did. The one thing him and I had this whole time was the physical attraction and he told me that he didn’t even want to sleep with me. I realized at that moment we had nothing left.

 When the rational me stops to think about it, I think what am I sad over? Being verbally abused, belittle and constantly trying to live up to this perception that didn’t even exist. We broke up again.

I really can’t take this heartbreak over and over again. I knew something was up, just last weekend he was smothering me, wanted to be with me all the time, then like clockwork he was done. I went over there Wednesday, and something was up, he has poison ivy, so he is already irritated with his skin. I should leave my phone at work, so I’m not distracted.

I hate hate texting him, I always get so emotional and irrational. Why am I stressing we have been through this more times than I can count but each and every time never gets easier as the days pass the pit of my stomach seems to be harder.

I wonder if he misses me. Does the think of me. I have so many question that will go unanswered, the what ifs. When he told me he had lunch with another DC was that even true? What don’t I know. The lies and the deceptions and how he could just discard me so easily like I was a piece of paper he no longer needed. Did I just not see what he saw?

The comment about not wanting to sleep with me cut deep, it should but it did. The one thing him and I had this whole time was the physical attraction and he told me that he didn’t even want to sleep with me. I realized at that moment we had nothing left.

When the rational me stops to think about it, I think what am I sad over? Being verbally abused, belittle and constantly trying to live up to this perception that didn’t even exist. We broke up again.

 I really can’t take this heartbreak repeatedly. I knew something was up, just last weekend he was smothering me, wanted to be with me all the time, then like clockwork he was done. I went over there Wednesday, and something was up, he has poison ivy, so he is already irritated with his skin.

I should leave my phone at work, so I’m not distracted. I hate texting him; I always get so emotional and irrational. Why am I stressing we have been through this more times than I can count but each time is just as hard as the first. I hate my phone I despise it. I feel as if I’m losing my mind. I am constantly looking at my phone, in the hopes his name shows up. I thought the last 5 times were “it’. I have been in this exact same position, but this time around it was just so finished.

 No big fight, no argument, he was just done. Told me to move on. He tells me that all the time. The worst part is I put up with it. I allow a man to be so horrible to me. I spend all my time looking for answers online, reading about narcissistic and trying to put together why he changes his mind so much. I simply don’t get it. I am stronger this time though since I haven’t texted, but it isn’t because I don’t want to.

 My heart hurts so bad and I miss him. But I need to get to the root of the issue, when I’m with him I feel smothered, I feel like he doesn’t give me any space. The problem is there is never a balance. It’s all or nothing. Nothing good will ever come out of this relationship.

He is an alcoholic and verbally and has been physically abusive before. So why do I put up with it. Is it a classic BPD and NC relationship? I’m sad and my heart is broken. All the questions of are this the last time? Will he be back?

When should I text him? Do I wait 30 days. What if I move? is just as hard as the first. I hate my phone I actually despise it. I feel as if I’m losing my mind. I am constantly looking at my phone, in the hopes his name shows up. I thought the last 5 times were “it’.

 I have been in this exact same position, but this time around it was just so finished. No big fight, no argument, he was just done. Told me to move on. He tells me that all the time.

The worst part is I put up with it. I allow a man to be so horrible to me. I spend all my time looking for answers online, reading about narcissistic and trying to put together why he changes his mind so much.

I simply don’t get it. I am stronger this time though since I haven’t texted, but it isn’t because I don’t want to. My heart hurts so bad and I miss him.

 But I need to get to the root of the issue, when I’m with him I feel smothered, I feel like he doesn’t give me any space. The problem is there is never a balance. It’s all or nothing. Nothing good will ever come out of this relationship. He is an alcoholic and verbally and has been physically abusive before. So why do I put up with it. Is it a classic BPD and NC relationship? I’m sad and my heart is broken.

 All the questions of are this the last time? Will he be back? When should I text him? Do I wait 30 days. What if I move?