I tried to take the high road with the ex-so many times. We broke up numerous times and each time I understood and respected his decision only for a few days later he would call or show up at my doorstep professing his undying love. I did not fall in love with the man I thought I met. I thought he was active, classy and a gentleman instead I got an overweight out of shape hairy alcoholic who is basically trailer trash, but he didn’t live on a trailer. When I met his “friends” I was shocked. I assumed the ex-surround himself with others like myself and the ex on paper version. Instead, I spent an entire dinner watching two people chew with their mouths open and the woman who just needed a dime size of gel for her hair. It’s not that the ex wanted friends so bad and he settled, this is the type of person he is. I’ve seen his exes, and they are nothing like me. I’m far from arrogant or conceited but I do know I’m a very attractive woman, and being with me went to his head and boosted his ego.
We’ve broken up dozens of times. He’s always done when he doesn’t get his way. This last time he did it again before he left for his month-long trip to go fuck a transvestite. Him and I are very openminded, but I have a limit. The ex could have ended it like he did BEFORE he left but because he is a manipulative narcissistic selfish human being with a body full of hair and not even that handsome in the first place, he decided he must truly hurt me. So, after the text of him being done “again” he decides he didn’t want to spend his Birthday alone. Of course, he didn’t and since he has nobody except for me, I realize why now, he contacted me reeling me in AGAIN. $250 later with a nice dinner and amazing sex he leaves to Missouri.
I knew his trip was a lie. He told me he had to replace carpets in his rental house and put in wood floors. I did not misunderstand this; we had an entire conversation but because he underestimated my intelligence and pure coincidence the house already had wood floors. For almost a month the former Major The ex-lied to me about his trip. I also found a Craigslist ad he posted looking for a casual encounter sex with a transvestite. I saw the red flags for his trip, many times he blew me off seeing me and after I went to this club without him since he blew me off, he proceeded to interrogate me and ask his questions for HIS closure. When he made the comment about sleeping with other people, I admit I completely overreacted. I’m not angry or hurt that we are broken up, I’m almost 40 so this isn’t my first rodeo with dating. What I am upset and hurt about is in the manner he did it. Refusing my calls and completely stonewalling me.
Additionally, he refused to respond to my text’s questions. I realize he didn’t care how I felt. The ex-cares for one person only. Andy made the decision to discard me like an object but of course since that is how he views myself and all women. I was needed to make him look good. An object on his arm to fuel his narcissism. Me as a human being did NOT matter. What 42-year-old man would not only end things via text but also go to the effort of changing his number? Who does that? If I was harassing him or bothering him after the fact, I could understand but being a grown adult I can’t fathom how you can establish a relationship with someone for almost a year and during a conversation that wasn’t even an argument make the sudden decision to be done without giving that person an explanation or even an opportunity to say how they felt. Or at the very least the chance to get their questions answered. I was literally cut off. Zero communication and the ex-decided he was finally done midway in the middle of our conversation.
I wanted to take the high road. I wanted to not be vindictive and hurt him. I’m not trying to hurt him at all, I’m simply trying to sort out and come to the closest thing to closure that I will ever get since apparently, I’m not privies to know the truth.
While I may seem jaded or instance, I’m leaving so much out of the things I have put up with by him. Besides the verbal and physical abuse or treating me like a piece of meat or object solely there to fulfilling his sexual desires. An example of His selfishness is having sex with me while I would be asleep. I wake up at 4am to go run or the gym but did he care? If at 2am The ex-decided, he was horny I would wake up with him having sex with me. He never once felt the need to maybe ask me if it was okay. If he wanted it, he took it. What I wanted did NOT matter ever. It was always about him. Now it was all bad and I did my fair share of saying mean and hurtful things, but I did NOTHING to deserve being called whore or other filthy names. I did nothing to deserve the constant accusations that I was lying, trying to manipulate him or my favorite “emotionally abusing him”. I didn’t deserve to be physically thrown out of his house AFTER he lured me over when my punishment was over for wanting to sleep in on a Saturday morning and pushed out the door to throw me on the ground. I didn’t deserve him sleeping with someone else then coming to my house, having dinner with my son and I looking me in the eye telling me he was never with anyone else. Multiple times before the truth came out blatantly lied to me. I didn’t deserve his friends or possibly him sending me pics while he was with other women but lying to me saying he wasn’t. I did nothing to deserve the hurt and pain he caused. While his own issues and because I am an attractive woman, I don’t have a hard time for men to want to date, sleep or be with me.
His insecurities caused him to doubt me. All while he was the once talking and sleeping with other men and women. The ex-never deserved me. Had we met on the street I wouldn’t have given him the time of day BUT I met him in uniform, so I was attracted to him. Plus, once we started dating there was just something between us. I still do not know what it was between us, but it would draw me in. I was intoxicatingly infatuated with him until I one day fell in love. I didn’t know what I know now. I wish I did. I wish someone blogged about it and gave me a heads up of what a horrible human being The ex is. He’s not a good person and should be an actor on how he is when he’s around other people. So, blogging will be my closure.
The ex-doesn’t care and didn’t care enough to have the respect for me to behave like and adult then I know longer am concerning myself on if what I post publicly hurts him. Besides he likes putting things out for everyone to know, as always, I’m following his lead. My heart is broken, and this is how I’m mourning the loss of someone I deeply loved and cared about. Besides losing a boyfriend in all of this I lost my best friend. Someone I would have done anything for. He lied about everything, and I was a fool to believe him so many times. I was and stayed committed to him the whole time only to find out he was with multiple people throughout our relationship and couldn’t even be honest. Or at the minimum respect me to end it in a phone call. But he couldn’t because not only is he a coward he knows I did NOTHING. It’s a matter of time before whoever he is with now starts seeing his controlling and narcissistic traits then the ex will return to Arkansas to be alone with sad, pathetic life or he will drink himself to death. Besides I wasn’t okay with having a threesome with a transvestite. I would have never. Den able to full the ex transvestite fantasy.
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